Keith's January 2007 Journal

jan

January , 3
Hi
Ogoya is working on the bathrooms in the OR. They should be working upon Dr. Beyer’s arrival assuming we do not have water issues. It was an interesting conversation with Ogoya because he thought they were working. We went over and talked to the OR staff and they said they worked. When we looked at them I had to laugh at my perspective versus a Shirati or Tanzanian perspective. Yes they are a little dirty and you have to sit on the porcelain bowl itself because the seat is missing and yes you have to pour water into flush but then it is much better than a pit toilet. Ogoya understood immediately but I don’t think the rest of the staff had a clue which is why nothing was said. One more training item to work with staff on: what is working and what is not.



Dr. Chirangi’s father died today. We went to see him off as he was traveling to Musoma to be with the family. He was really a mess. There were a lot of people gathered at his house to say goodbye and just be with him. There was a group prayer and lots of hugs and crying. ChaCha arranged for the mission vehicle to take him to Musoma as he was too upset to drive. Ogoya drove, Chacha, Imani(nursing school principal) and chaplain Magoti went along. It was a very sad day. The kids were upset at seeing Dr. C so upset but we could tell it meant a lot to him that our family came to see him off.

January 4
I spent the morning working in the office and got a lot of work done. I ate lunch and then went up to the hspispital to see Chacha. He had not eaten lunch so we went over to the hospital canteena . There was a large group there and we had a good time sitting eating and talking. It was a lot like eating lunch at FMC except for the open air patio, cats walking under the table, birds flying around all those uniquely Africa things.. I walked home in the rain. What a conterast. Last year at this time we were praying for rain. People were starving from the drought, the lake was receeding and water was hard to find anywhere but at the lake. And it was so hot. It has rained almost everyday since the beginning of November. Everything is wet, there is standing water everywhere, the rivers are full, the lake level is coming up. And it is very cool. I had to wear a sweatshirt the other day. This year I am tired of the rain, tired of the damp. I just want a little heat and sunshine back in my life. Well maybe not. Life is much easier at the moment, Our rain water tank is always full and I can go outside anytime and not have to worry about the blistering heat. I just feel a whole lot better with the cooler weather. I know it will end sometime but a little longer is ok with me. The Tanzanian Ministry of Health came on a surprise visit today. Mostly they were inspecting the nursing school but they also toured the hospital. The lead inspector was last here in 2003. She stated to the staff at the end of the inspection that the hospital had improved significantly since her last visit. Specifically she stated the hospital was cleaner and better maintained and appeared better staffed. Hey they were her words not mine.

January 5, 2007
Chirangi’s father funeral is Sunday in Musoma, Ellen and I are going. It will be a long day but we want to be there for our friend. It will be Ellens first African funeral. Today was one of those days where you think you will do one thing but life decides otherwise. I got up and ellen said ants got in the water filter again. I decided to fix it correctly this time. The electric has been off for a couple of days and we have been running the generator in 2 hour blocks but it has not been long enough to really cool the refigerator so I decided to run it all day. Well I was filling the tank with diesel and over filled. Diesel ran all over the generator, and floor it was a mess. Well I was also in the middle of the water filter project. While I waited for the diesal to drop out of the generator I looked at the counter where the water filter sits and decided it should be replaced and improved. So I spent the morning doing those projects, Now we have a much more functional counter, a better working water filter and a cleaned up generator. Ellen tells me the sink is leaking so I’ll need to get to that as well. But for now I am working on e-mails and a proposal and making a couple of notes in my journal. Ok so the day just kept getting worse. About 7 in the evening the fuel line on the generator broke. Since it had been running all day I thought it ran out of fuel so I did not go out right away. Well fuel was running all over the place. The engine and floor were covered in fuel. It was dark so I just shut the fuel valve of and left it for morning, Well I did put dirt all over the floor to soak up the fuel. God always seems kind to us. About 8 PM the electric came back on after being out for the past couple of days. So we were not in the dark for the rest of the evening.

January 6, 2007

Woke up at 7 to a “hodi”, Isaac was here to work on the garden. It was very over cast so I thought it was earlier than it was. I cleaned up the kichen for Ellen. I boiled the milk over, boy is it a pain to have to boil your milk. It seems unless I stand there and watch it, it always boils over during the 5 seconds I look away. Then it takes ½ an hour to clean up the mess. I made egg omlets for breakfast it is one of the few things I make that the kids like. Then I worked on cleaning up the generator mess. Gerry helped me. He is looking for any way to make money so he can buy stuff for his tree house. Ellen and I talked and decided to give him some more money to buy material. A lot of the local kids are involved in the project. Today they bought a tarp to use for the roof and wire mesh to keep bugs out. I think the tree house is better than some peoples homes. We got the dirt an fuel cleaned up pretty well but then I could not get the moter to start. The engine was not getting diesel. I spent more than an hour until I finally figured out where the air lock was in the line. I was pretty frustrated. Then I worked on the kitchen sink for Ellen. I asked Alex to help me. I had him drill most of the holes and put in the screws. I tried to get him to cut some of the wood with the power saw but he does not like the saw so I did that. He sanded the rough edges off and the finished product did not look too bad given the material we have to work with. Water pumped all day so our tank is full. Sola came over this evening and we talked about medical school. He is applying to several this spring. We told him we are committed to help him but the private schools he is looking at are beyond our ability. We told him we would look for people to help with his support. We told him he needs to look at the government schools which are much less expensive. The school he is applying to at the moment is $5,000 for tution and $200 a month for room and board. We committed to providing $1,000 a year personally.

I was talking with Dr. Duese (new doctor with the HIV/AID program) and Chacha last night. They were telling me about Dr. Ogendo’s speech in the employee meeting Friday morning. Dr. Ogendo has been a Dr. at the hospital for 25 years. Over the past year he has had hard words for the management team when they have been performing poorly. He has also had supportive words when they have had success. I was not at the meeting but apparently he took the first meeting of the New Year to speak to the staff during the employee open forum part of the meeting. He told the staff that for the last year the hospital has been run without outside help. He specifically said we are doing better now without missionary help than before with them. The hospital is better. If we want to make our hospital better we have to commit to working even harder. He told them he hears people complain about minor things to people outside the hospital. He told them they need to stop telling the outside people our problems and tell the management so they can make it better. He said this is our hospital lets make it the best hospital in TZ. It is really time for us to leave.

January 8, 2007
Good news just continues to roll in. Here is Verles email about the Ministry of Healths lastest visit.
Greetings,
On Thursday, January 4th, the nursing school had an unexpected visit from several people from The Ministry of Health. The person in charge of the visit, Mrs. Aoo, had acutally taught at Shirati from 1977 to 1979.
She had done a lot to orient me as I was new at that time. I had talked to her on the phone over the years but I had not seen her since she left Shirati. She had visited here in 2003 at a point when the hospital was in poor condition and the midwifery program had been closed for a time.
She came to check that the hospital had improved so we could operate a midwifery program.

She expressed thanks to me for returning to teach at the nursing school as she feels I have made a big contribution to the nursing school over the years.

She took a tour of the hospital and was impressed with the improvement noted in the hospital. She noted that work ahs been done to maintain the hospital with the new administration and also noted that the hospital wards are filled with patients again. She noted that is due to improved conditions at the hospital. She especially noted that the wards are much cleaner and felt that the staff and student nurse moral seemed much better.

The group who visited talked very positively about the school and the hospital. Some visits from the ministry of health are not very pleasant so we felt good that we had such a good visit.

I thought it would be good to report something positive from Shirati as often people only hear negative reports about here.

Peace,
Verle

January 11
Good morning Jim
It has been 1 ½ years since we met at retreat. I hope the time since retreat has been good for you and Donna and that God has kept you well. Our time at Shirati has been a real blessing but also very hard. It has been filled with many struggles, phyiscal, mental, emotional and political. The isolation from other westerners and most of modern conveniences has been a hard adjustment. Most of what we faced we did not expect and should not have happened which made it all the more difficult to deal with and manage. But God has been faithful and provided for all our needs in his own way and his own time. I am writing because when I got up this morning I felt moved to read the Bible, not something that I am in the habit of doing every day. Most times when I read the Bible either alone or together with the family I use Ellen’s bible because it is easier to read. Today I got out my bible instead. As I picked up my bible your note to me from Black Rock fell from the pages. I have read that note many times over the past year and half and it has been very helpful. Today I read it again and then went to 1 Chronicles 28:20 which you placed at the end of the note. God spoke to me this morning through your note. And I feel at peace for the first time in many months. Our assignment was a goal-based assignment. In September I provided a lenghty report to the hospital board and church about the hospitals progress and what still needed to be done to stenghten the institution. The hospital is doing many things well, the new leadership team is outstanding and what they need now is time to continue their work. Time without outside interference and missionary oversight. I recommended that the Hummels leave Shirati in Janaury of 2007. This did not sit well with the Church, hospital or EMM so we began discussions. After much talk we all agreed quite unhappily (they wanting longer, us wanting shorter) that we would stay until July of 2007. In Oct everyone but Gerry our middle son became very sick and in the beginning of Nov we had to go to Nairobi on Medical leave. I came back to Shirati in mid December while the rest of the family stayed in Nairobi. The whole family returned to Shirat Dec 30th with Ellen still not fully recovered. She still needs several months of rest but she wanted to return and see how things went. So far she is managing ok. Well this week has been a struggle as I have spent a lot of time traveling with the Hospital CEO and accountant, Sunday to Wed. They have been talking to me about how much they need me to stay and how much I can still help them. Just last night I was talking to Ellen sharing my reservations about leaving, wondering whether my assessment was correct. Should we stay longer? When we haved talked about this over the past few months the answer always seems to come back yes my assessment is correct, and it is time for us to leave. 1 Chronicles 28:20 spoke to me this morning and seems to have given me my answer along with peace in my heart. Thank you for this gift that you prepared for me so long ago.

January 13, 2007
This morning I walked up to the village to get eggs. Eggs have not been available lately, I am not sure why. Leah wanted to go along so we walked. The pastor and his wife were out in their garden hoeing the weeds so we stopped to say hi. Then our dogs showed up and Leah wanted to take them home. So I went to village alone. I could not find eggs. I forgot it is Saturday and most shops are closed because most of the shop owners are Seventh Day Adventist. This got me thinking about one of my favorite subjects. Failed missions. Here in Shirati where the Mennonites have had a presence for 70 years you would think there would be a strong community of prosperous Mennonites but this is not the case. Even though this is the birth place of the Tanzanian Mennonite church and still the area with the most members and number of churches, the church and its members are very poor. Why is that? Well if I look at the SDA’s they own most of the shops in town and run very successful businesses. They also do a good job of supporting each other and I am told give generously in their churches and the community. The Mennonites on the other hand have few businesses and do not give much to their churches or the community. The Mennonites I know expect others to do things for them or give them things. The SDA’s I know figure out how to do it themselves and work hard at making their life better. The most glaring difference is that there are Mennonite Pastors everywhere. The big thing here in the Mennonite Community is going to theological school. I don’t know how many Mennonites here in the community have been to Bible College, it would make a good research project. Anyway then they come back with no job and no means of support but they spent time, energy and resources for bible school. The SDA’s don’t seem to do this and the difference in the two groups really shows. This recently happened with a hospital employee. He left a very good job to go to Bible College. The hospital had already arranged for him to go to University for advanced training as a radiologist. But the pressure in his family was to go to Bible College. Ellen and I spent a lot of time trying to talk him out of it. But he found someone in America to pay for school. So he went. He is always calling us asking for money because the person in America only paid for tuition. I told him he would need to live with consequences of his choices. We do not give him anything. He has no money for food or books or anything else. I don’t know how he is surviving. He will come back to Shirati in three years without a job or a way to make a living. He will ask the church for a job and may or may not get one. If he had stayed with the hospital he would have been one of the best paid people in the community. He could have volunteered as a lay church leader and supported the church financially. Now he is just one more drain on the community. EMM/MCC and the Mennonite Church are responsible for this because they continue to support the bible college here. In fact I understand they provide 80% of the funds required to operate the school including school fees. The college currently has a temporary Tanzanian principal following the death of the missionary who was leading the school. He is very capable but the church can not hire him permanently because they can not afford his salary. They are looking for a missionary to come to save on salary cost. Just one more example of creating and continuing dependency.

January 21, 2007
I woke up early this morning with my mind racing full of thoughts and emotions about our upcoming trip to the US. I have so much to do to get ready for it and it will be a very busy time. I just hope we find a little time to enjoy the time in the US. Ellen and I have been talking about the trip and our mixed emotions. We are afraid to go because we might not want to come back and we are afraid to go because we might want to come back. My God what if we find we really hate being back in the US and can’t wait to get back to Africa? We have talked about how everything will be different but talking about it and experiencing it are two different things. Maybe at the end of our trip I’ll have a better sense of direction of where God wants us and what we are capable of doing and not doing. I am also really upset about our computer and satellite. It works great but this week something on the computer started up and every time we do a send receive some program does an update which burns at least one mega byte of time. We buy it in 10 mega byte blocks for $105. Ellen and I have been through the computer and through it and through it and we can not find the offender. There is one log that looks like it might have the information of what system is running the update but we can not access it. I wish I knew more about computers but then I wish I knew a lot more about a lot of things.
So now that I got that out of my system, what I really wanted to write about was waking up early this morning and the overwhelming feelings of sadness and loss that have surfaced the last week. I am sure it is because of the upcoming trip. A sense of going back to everything we do not have here including friends and support. Feelings of selfishness and unfairness that we have been asked to give up so much and go through this experience. It is that proverbial question why me? Why us? It is always hard to see the entirety of the race until it is finished and you can reflect with more detachment. When you are in the midst of the race, is not the time to be making evaluations of the over all results and the long term impacts. The middle of the race is a great time to evaluate your performance to date, where you stand and how you are positioned to complete the race. Or if you can finish the race at all. Sometimes you need to stop and walk away. So I guess I need to put the question of over all impact on Shirati and the Hummels away for a while and wait for some years to come to evaluate the outcome. Just focus on the results so far and ask the questions about finishing respectably and getting ready for the next race on the schedule. When I thought about going home this morning, I thought about my sister’s email of yesterday and one from Chet and one from Veronica. I put pieces together to paint the picture
Keith, From Karla
We are planning on meeting you at the airport. Stay with us the first couple of days and then go to MCC. You and Ellen can have our bed. We’ll have good food waiting!

The kids are very excited – I’ve explained that your kids have lots of people to see. They are hoping for lots of sleepovers for Leah. Maya is looking forward to sleepovers at grandmas with Leah. Tell the boys we got a very cool game system (Nitendo Wii). We are hoping Leah will visit Ben at school. Leah is invited to go to school with Maya as often as she wants. They only have 10 kids in the class so there is plenty of room and teacher time!

No school for my kids on Friday, Feb16 and Monday Feb 19. I have no probablem keeping Ben home from school now and then for cousin time.

Keith and Karla from Chet
We want to be helpful according to your need, but are aware that good intentions sometimes are not all that helpful. I see our primary helpfulness from airport to house as providing transportation with the van, if needed. If you stay at a hotel or Peter and Karla's until Monday and have adequate transportation, it's no problem at our end to wait to connect with you until you get to MCC or provide transportation to MCC. I think that first priority will be to see that you are in a place where you can totally relax without needing to accommodate a lot of people. If we do help with transportation, I would do so without expectation that we spend any amount of significant time catching up - time for that later.

So, we're available if needed - but want to help where needed most.

Keith and Ellen from Veronica
I got a bunch of clothes today at work for you all. Leah and Ellen are pretty well covered. Except for a coat for Leah. A little bit more will be needed for the boys, I did get one coat in their size. Keith - I found three shirts. Hats, gloves, etc. are no problem to get I just didn't yet. Maybe you could let others who want to get you stuff that I got some already. I can certainly store whatever you need stored when you leave again. This was something I was able to do to help! I was so happy to do so. It seems there is no other way to help you all out, very frustrating.

Love, Veronica

So anyway that is the picture and as I laid in bed I was thinking about what I want when I get off the plane, not what the MST, the church, EMM, the hospital or God wants just what Keith wants. I am so thankful that I have Ellen because I felt so alone at that moment but I was able to roll over and put my arms around her and the world was a much more beautiful place. So what I want when I walk off the plane and get to the airport exit is to see (in alphabetical order) My Mom, Peter & Karla Senescu Family, Veronica Stockman Family and Chet and Sandy Yoder and family. And no matter how tired and exhausted I am I’d like to just hang out for a while and eat some food with you guys at Karla and Peter’s. Even if it is just hot dogs and beans that would be just alright with me. I don’t really care if no one else shows up or not, in fact I’d prefer they did not, but that is just the selfish me. We have been alone for so long, truly alone here but we have worked hard at sending a positive picture to everyone and that picture included a picture of friends here that are dear to us but we have no true friends here. Friends that we can share our hearts with. You guys have been our rock, foundation and life preserver all at the same time. The folks that have kept us going, you have endured phone calls in the middle of the night, emails, letters and our pleas for help. You have faithfully managed to find a way to call us. In the midst of your own busy lives you have always been their for us. So, yes I just want to hang out for a little while with you guys, even silence will be a blessing, except we’ll will hear the laughter, giggling, yelling and screaming from the kids. And then Ellen and I will sit and cry all over again, asking why was this asked of us? I love you all and this morning the loneliness I have kept well hidden is exploding like the soda bottles that fell from the refrigerator yesterday. So that’s my wish, my dream Oh I forgot a ½ gallon of raspberry ice cream for my very own. I’ll enjoy throwing up from something delicious instead of bad water, bad food,malaria, or medication. The bed can wait, what I need is rest for my heart and it will only come from you, my closest family and friends.

January 26
A very long but good board meeting
January 27

Yes, you are right that I say often that they do not need me. It is a hard and harsh statement but it is said to make a point. They can operate the hospital well without me. They are good dedicated people and having missionaries creates lots of questions about trust, respect and abilities at this point in time at the hospital. I can help them in many ways that make their job easier but those things I do are not the core of the operation. It makes us very sad to leave because we like it here and have many good relationships but at the end of the day Shirati Hospital is their hospital not mine. I have told them I will always be only a phone call or email away. As to giving a sad feeling please try and think of it has a happy feeling like the feeling you had when your kids grow up. You are sad they don’t really need you much anymore but you are very happy they are living a good life on their own.