Ellen's e-mail excerpts Nov-Jan 12

novj

Nov. 19th 2006
Worship was so awesome this morning. I so miss being able to worship/sing/pray in English at church. This particular church is quite lively with a lot of clapping and dancing. I see lots of joy on faces there. As I was singing my heart out, I felt I was able to breathe again. What is going on with me??? I am so confused. God called us to Shirati and now that work is almost done. Where are we supposed to go and what are we supposed to do?? I need spiritual nourishment from church, but that is not available in Shirati and it may not be available in the next place we go….sure, I try to worship in the house, but there is always someone to interfere with that. I am babbling.
This Thanksgiving we are going to the Spreigels. They live 4 hours from Nairobi. We will then be watching their kids for a few days while John and Linda go away for their anniversary. Next week we return to Nairobi again for Sam’s wedding; he is a friend from language school and he is marrying a Kenyan he met at language school. The kids are all in the wedding. Leah and Sam had a special bond, so it is neat that she will be the flower girl.

Our friends the Gandys still have our kids. They insisted on keeping them another couple of days. I know they are happy there. Last week when we were all together visiting, the kids were in another room laughing and having a great time. Later Keith asked me when the last time I heard Alex laugh was. I about cried as I couldn’t remember!!! We will probably get the kids tonight. A group of us are meeting at a restraint called the Carnivore for Alex’s birthday. Brian and Stacy will be there and they are Alex’s favorite people. The Carnivore is a touristy place where waiters bring around these big hunks of exotic meat and slice some off for you. I don’t really like it so much but the kids think it’s cool. Last time we had camel, ostrich, crocodile (which is gross…it’s fishy) and I forget what else. Tomorrow night for Alex’s birthday we are having a campfire/cookout with Kevin and Sharon and their 3 girls. That will be fun. I think Alex likes one of their girls and I’m trying to figure out which one. The youngest one is his age, but I’m guessing it is the middle one who is a sophomore. Guess he’ll be slicking himself up tomorrow night!!! How did he get so big already???

Blood test is still positive, however the doctor still does not want to treat me yet. I have to get 2 more blood tests…one this Thursday before we leave then one next Thursday. I just want to be treated already!!!! Brucellosis just has mild annoying symptoms but the doctor is holding back on treatment because it is nasty. I would have to take double doses of Cipro for 3 weeks!!! That will kill everything completely and is not good for the body. He is hoping that my body will be able to fight it on its own, but so far the levels are still increasing.

Hey. I hope you had an ok Thanksgiving! We drove from Nairobi to Bomet/Tenwek with only a couple minor problems. First the car shut off and Keith realized that some fuses were melted together! Luckily we keep spare fuses in the car so he could replace some. Then on the real crappy road where no one actually drives on the road…it was raining and very muddy. We did a 360!!!! Luckily there were no other cars around. We were all shaking afterwards and were thankful that the car didn’t roll!!! We got to Tenwek and had a nice Thanksgiving meal complete with turkey which is hard to get here. I had to nap periodically as I have zero strength. John Spreigel informed us that in addition to the double dose of antibiotics for 3 weeks, I will have to have 21 shots!!! I will also have to remain in Kenya while the family returns to Shirati. There is the possibility that between now and then my body will be able to fight this on its own which is why the dr has been reluctant to begin treatment. I just want to come home…the heck with this stuff!!! As it stands now we will not be coming home in December. I am pushing for January, but Keith is hoping for February. We will be home for 5-6 weeks…it’s just a matter of figuring out when.

It is a painful reminder here of how isolated we are/were in Shirati. They have all sorts of homeschool classes here throughout the day and sports activities, etc. Tomorrow there is a big feast in which all of the families are putting on. There are about 15 families here I think. The kids get together in the evenings and play all sorts of games outside, so our kids will have a blast. A lady is coming in an hour to help Julia and Rebekka (both 13) with sewing; they are both making blouses and skirts. Pretty cool. There is also a preschool/kindergarten class in the afternoon which Leah is invited to (they don’t have any first graders) and Leah surprisingly doesn’t want to go, but she’s going anyway.

Please keep us in your prayers as we are trying to figure out what to do next. We are definitely leaving in July but don’t know where we’re going. Keith discovered a job in the Congo, but upon talking with Linda and John (Linda served in Zaire/Congo for many years) they advised against it for safety reasons. The position of …is available at home, which I am rooting for…that would be a cool job with international travel; unfortunately there are power struggles between management and board, etc that Keith is not thrilled about getting into. The former ceo was only there for a short while; and Keith had applied for that position before we left the US hoping he would get that so he wouldn’t have to come here…go figure

Currently we are staying with friends from language school who are several hours outside of Nairobi. They live in a huge compound with huge American style houses. What a strange experience to be in Kenya, but be surrounded with WORKING appliances and all the goodies that most of us are used to at home. I often wonder what Kenyans must think of the people who live in these houses. There are conflicting emotions of tremendous guilt but yet a sense of comfort and familiarity. It has been so nice for all of us to have other Americans to talk to and play with.

December 3rd
HEALTH UPDATE:

My health issue saga continues with less clarity than when it began a month ago
Went to the doc’s again this morning and now we are back to square 1 again!!! The brucella levels leveled out last week and dropped this week. This is good and bad. Good from the standpoint that my body has been able to fight that one off, and good that I don’t need the nasty treatment for it, but bad that something is definitely going on and no one knows what it is. I had to get more blood work done today and I go back to the doc’s again on Monday. He said that if he is unable to figure things out then, he will refer me to some specialists. Keith asked him if I can go back to TZ on Sunday and the doc gave an emphatic “no”. We had a long meeting with Kevin and Sharon afterwards and all agreed that it’s very frustrating not to have answers, but maybe the Lord is testing my patience (exactly how many more lessons in patience do I need??? I thought I was a pretty patient person to begin with!!!). When the doc told me today that it is not brucellosis, I almost cried!!! It has been a number of weeks, a lot of tests, a lot of being stuck in limbo, and a lot of aches, pains and fatigue with no answers. Keith will be returning to Shirati for a couple of weeks, the kids will be staying with friends, and I will remain at the Guest House for who knows how long. Perhaps Monday will bring more information as to what to do next. I’ll keep you updated.

AFRICAN EXPERIENCES THIS WEEK:

The other day we went to the TOI market which is several blocks of used clothing for sale. Much of it is from the US. I always wondered where places like Goodwill and thrift stores sent the stuff they don’t sell. Well, I have found one of the places. There are usually Goodwill tags or thrift store tags still on many of the things. I guess the Kenyans buy this stuff somewhere and then turn around and sell it to the public. I have yet to feel comfortable enough to ask one of the vendors how this works. Anyway, this is the second time I have gone and I love it!!!! I miss thrift shopping so much and I just can’t justify paying expensive wazungu (white folks) prices for new things. Wal-mart type stuff here is like the price of brand name items at home. I was looking for shoes for Leah for the wedding and had walked many blocks in the mud, bumping and slipping and dragging Leah along (who was whining “why can’t I buy those new shoes in the store?”) and finally I spotted a good pair. It was quite a challenge for her to try them on…we are out in an alley that is wet, slippery and muddy, people everywhere. The guy put her up on the table on top of all the shoes, carefully removed her muddy sandals, put the new shoes on, put a small piece of plastic on the ground so she could stand up and this was the way it was done. Of course she loved them as they have some sparkly stuff on them which will match her wedding-party dress perfectly. We bargained on the price and paid $5 for them. They are actually not used but new. The guy carefully got Leah’s yucky sandals on again and we were off, very satisfied customers. About 10 feet down the crowded alley, Leah completely wiped out in the mud…head to toe, her dress soaked in mud. She started crying, heck I almost cried I felt so bad for her. I tried to wipe some of the mud off with the plastic bag that the new shoes were in which was not at all effective!!!! Luckily after we walked a bit we found a guy with some water and a sponge who cleaned her up ok. Thank the Lord for unexpected blessings.

I had to force Gerry to get some new clothes. He wears the same shirt (of which he has 2 duplicates) and same 2 pairs of shorts every day and it is driving me nuts. The holes have been patched and re-patched and now are too numerous to mend. Luckily after several unsuccessful attempts, I spotted a nice shirt which is THE COLOR, that greenish brown that matches the color of his eyes. This is Gerry’s COLOR and we must not deviate from it. Thank the Lord that someone had chosen to sell that particular shirt that day. Gerry was still not happy to buy the shirt, but I knew it would grow on him. Last night he actually admitted that he was starting to like it and he is wearing it again today…a sure sign of Gerry’s approval!!! What a funny child. The shorts were less successful purchases and they will remain unused until the day his other 2 favorites mysteriously disappear forever…a day which is approaching quickly.

MY SOAP BOX

As we were leaving the TOI market, a little boy was begging for money. At first I said no and blew him off because I was haggling over a price with a vendor. A few minutes later I saw him again and noticed his ragged clothing and shoes which were so worn through they barely covered his feet. I went up to him and told him I wanted to get him some food. His face lit up and he ran to the duka (shop) which sold bread. I bought him a loaf and a container of milk. He was so happy. He ran off and Keith and I watched him as we left the market. I still had my doubts as the skeptical side of me thought he would try to re-sell these things for money to buy glue to sniff, which is a big problem here. We saw him go behind a car and share his food with his family!!! My heart screams with mixed, conflicting emotions. I am angry that this child has to live this way. It is not his fault, but whose is it??? I am angry that I come from a culture of excess. Some folks acknowledge it, most don’t; most don’t care…but no one wants to change. Whose fault is it??? I don’t blame my fellow Americans for the lives they live. I am just as guilty if not more so than most as we have a beautiful farm and we left a very comfortable salary/lifestyle. We live the life we know and I don’t see that as anyone’s fault, but on the other hand I do not see many people from home who really WANT to know what life is like for other people and what they can do to help them. It is like people are so caught up in this cycle of work / busy-ness / buy-a-bunch-of-stuff-that-we-really-don’t-need-that-still-doesn’t-make-us-happy thing that just goes round and round. I am very sad for people. I am sad for those here that suffer from poverty and sickness, but yet these people seem happier than those at home. Maybe it is because they are truly thankful for each day. I am also sad for people at home because there is no one that comes to my mind as a truly happy person. Sure, I know many that are satisfied with life, but I can not think of anyone that when I look at them I just know they are happy. Perhaps we put too many conditions on our happiness and forget that life whether good or bad is reason enough itself for happiness. We are too caught up in all this “stuff” to notice. I have even gone so far to think today that God has put me in a position to reach many people in Africa and at home, why? I may never know, but maybe it is to touch just one life that will help bridge this huge gap. Maybe, just maybe, someone out there will read something I write or listen to a story I tell and decide to change something in their own life for the better. I have gone even farther to think today that maybe this extended period of sickness/diagnosis, etc for me is a way for me to quiet all the other distracting “stuff” going on and perhaps spend some time meditating on ways to effectively “touch” people at home. At some point, we are coming home sometime to do a speaking tour for the Shirati Hospital, but what if it is supposed to be much broader than that?? I can only do what I feel is what the Lord wants me to do. Unfortunately, the Lord never calls me directly on the cell-phone. I wish I had clearer instructions. Who knows??? My soap box issues of the week.
…..
We left the reception very early because I was exhausted, although I think the kids were glad for the excuse to leave. I enjoyed watching some of the traditions of the Kikuyu tribe, one of which was that all the Kikuyu ladies gathered outside the bride’s door and were singing and dancing. The door was then opened and the ladies hoisted the bride up and carried her around while continuing to sing and dance. I guess that normally, they would carry her through the village, but since she had to get into a car and be driven to a church that changed things a bit. It was more like a western wedding than a Kenyan wedding, but that is what I expected. I have pictures on the web site under gallery if you would like to see them.

December 7th
Greetings from Kenya.

Thanks to you all who responded to my last update. Thank you for your thoughts, stories, prayers, love and support!!! None of us has the answers to this world’s inequities, but I feel we need to press onward and make the conscious efforts to change and do what we can. If WE don’t, then who will???

This has been another discouraging week, but I feel we have dealt with it well so far. My spirits are good and I feel at peace (this moment, anyway). It is Wednesday morning here, sunny and a little chilly (70 degrees, yeah, I know, NOT chilly for most of you but definitely chilly compared to Shirati!!!). My appointment Monday morning did not reveal much of anything…there were a few changes in different levels of this and that in my blood and brucella is still evident but not at a treatable level. The doc referred me to a cardiologist/GI specialist. My health issues began in mid-June with the heart palpitation episodes then. I did the eCG and some other tests and also the stress test with the treadmill. My heart is in excellent condition and the doctor went so far as to say he rarely sees a heart that healthy. Good news. He then suggested an abdominal CT Scan and an endoscopy. We waited for several hours for the scan and I had to drink several glasses of nasty stuff. No big deal. When the time arrived for the scan, I guzzled one more glass, and braced myself for the IV line. They dug around in my hand and were unsuccessful. I have a phobia of needles and was trying to remain calm, breathing deeply and praying. Keith was allowed to come in and pray and they successfully got it in my arm. Unfortunately I began to vomit and felt urgency at the “other end”, also. I told the technicians I could try to keep it together long enough to get the scan done. Very challenging. Needless to say this was not an optimal experience. I felt horrible until late that night, but slept well afterwards. Next day was the endoscopy which went blissfully well. The doc knocked me out, put the tube down my throat and I slept through it all and through the afternoon! Keith said they found some bleeding in my stomach and some other weird abnormalities, but nothing major. There were some procedural biopsies taken and the results will come next week. So we play the waiting game. I am happy just to get some rest and not be poked and have things put in my body where they don’t belong!!! Most of me just wants to find some normalcy in all this and move on with life. Keith is returning to Shirati tomorrow night as he is trying so hard to finish the community water project which has a rapidly approaching deadline. It has been a hard struggle for him to wait things out with me while he has such huge unfinished business looming overhead. Nevertheless I have really appreciated his willingness to stand by me through this.

I struggle with yet another inequity. I am going through all this time and expensive procedures because of my wealth and position in this society. If I were a Kenyan or Tanzanian it would just not be an option. My symptoms of weight loss, headaches, joint aches and fatigue are not life threatening, but annoying and hindering of normal functionality. If I were African, I would just press on and do what I need to do to survive and probably still have a smile on my face. I am constantly humbled.

Guess I’ll start from the beginning: All of us (except for Gerry) have had health issues since September and me since mid-June. My health issues have just been a number of annoyances and nothing serious. However, collectively, things were getting more serious. All of us have lost weight, the four of us had diarrhea, nausea, vomitting, etc, etc. Our missionary rep from the States had called in the beginning of November and mandated us to go to Nairobi for doctoring. I had also been becoming emotionally worn down, especially with a lack of privacy in addition to many other things (but when you are on display from BEFORE you get out of bed in the morning to night time…it is hard to maintain balance in most things!!). We were referred to a good doctor in Nairobi and he treated all of us for giardia (nasty bacteria that wreaks havoc on the GI system), amoebas and other critters. Keith and the kids have recovered fully and have their appetites back and are gaining weight again. I have had additional symptoms of headaches, joint pains and extreme fatigue. I have to pause after a flight of stairs which is much different than the usual taking 2 steps at a time!!! Something is not right. At first the doctor thought it was brucellosis which was present in my blood but no one else’s. I went through 4 weeks of lab tests just to be sure since it is usually over-diagnosed. The very last test, the levels dropped which ruled out the disease. That was last Friday. The results were very disappointing as Keith and I went into the meeting expecting to begin treatment. Now it is back to square one. I had more lab tests done on Friday and most results were in on Monday. Still nothing.

Last week the beginning of much more unpleasant tests began….tests that make me feel worse than the aches and pains. I am not happy about the path this is going and am about to say ‘the heck with it” and just keep popping ibupropen and sleeping a lot!!! It stinks because Keith needs to go back to Tanzania for some major projects that are coming to a close and I would really like the rest of us to be able to go, too. He leaves tomorrow night (tues) and will come back next week some time. Meanwhile, I feel like I am just sitting around not doing much of anything, which is hard (maybe you’re at that place now?). I am lucky to have support here in Nairobi….friends from language school and the mission agency are taking care of the kids and going along to all the appointments with me. One of the things I love about missionary life is that you become really close with other missionaries and are adopted into a family (since for most of us we are so far from our families). I will miss that when we go home. Don’t mean to be whining about my trivial problems when you are having a tough time.

Health is ok. I got an “iffy” diagnosis of post viral fatigue syndrome which is the same as chronic fatigue syndrome. I am not happy about it as there is no treatment for it and it can last for a lifetime!!! Today has been a good day. I take pain medication regularly, so that helps. This morning I was up for 2 hours, but found myself nodding off in the morning session (we are at a retreat this week) so I had to nap for a couple of hours. There is an ultimate Frisbee game a little later and I would love to play, but doubt I will have the energy. We’ll see. Don’t know for sure how long we will remain in Kenya yet. I still do not have the “ok” from the doc to leave, but I have another appointment tomorrow morning. The kids would love to stay in Kenya indefinitely (except to see our puppies in Shirati!)…

Sorry for the slow reply. I have been without e-mail for over a week now. I am ok. The latest diagnosis is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which was set off by all the other stuff I was fighting off over the last 6 months. I take pain medicine all the time, and it helps considerably. I also need to take at least one nap a day. I just don’t do as much as I am used to which is incredibly frustrating!!!!

I don’t know yet where we will be spending Christmas. Probably Kenya. I still don’t have the okay from the doctor yet to leave Kenya. Guess we’ll see. I have another appointment with the doc tomorrow morning, so I will know more then.

Gotta go and help decorate for a Christmas banquet. We are at our mission retreat which is at the same place as we had language school. It is a beautiful place and it is good to see some folks we haven’t seen since last year.

Thanks also for your encouragement. I do feel the Lord's strength most of the time. I just get very frustrated as I am not able to do many of the things I am used to doing. I am a "doer" and have trouble not having my usual amount of energy. I feel a little discouraged, but yet have a spirit of feistiness...I will do whatever I can to beat it!!!!