E-mail excerpts, Ellen

July '07

July 25, 2007
Sorry, again, that it has been a long time since I have e-mailed. I have not taken the time to figure out how to use the new cell/e-mail service yet. That is the only access we have right now. Keith has used it for work and he says it works pretty well. Hope he can send this out later.

Know that I am thinking of you often, even though I am silent way over here. Just trying to cope with a lot of things. Let’s see, the crisis du jour….Leah has been quite sick the last 3 days. She has had lots of vomiting and diarrhea, which in itself is not a big deal, I know what to do for that, even here. Yesterday, however, she got a very high fever (39.2C, under the arm)-don’t know what that is in Faren., but know it was much higher than normal, just by feel. I gave her some Tylenol and remarkably she did not vomit it up, but she started to fade in and out of consciousness (it seemed). I had already scheduled a doctor’s appointment, but decided at that moment we would wait no longer. We couldn’t even rouse her to say “hi” to Bilali, our new gardener/guard, who is her new best friend. He saw her and got tears in his eyes. The 30 min bumpy ride to the dr’s at least roused her some, and the fever went down to 38.5 (ear). I was not overly impressed with the “doctor”, and found out today she is not one of the doctors that practices there!! She did, at least, test for malaria (after keith’s suggestion), which was negative. And guessed it was some sort of viral/gastro-intestinal thing. I know these things can be vague. The ‘’doctor” said basically we have to wait it out. She did give some antibiotic syrup, which Leah keeps throwing right back up. Today, Saturday, Keith has been downtown all day working…an hour away. Leah was briefly doing better and was actually up and walking. I have had to carry her to the toilet as she has been too weak to stand. (the poor thing has been so out of it she just spurts diarrhea out in her sleep! No fun washing bedding and towels again and again by hand!!! Have plastic now.) I was very thankful to see some improvement. She even went outside to say hello to Bilali. About an hour or so later, she started getting intense chest pains and was breathing rapidly. She said she felt like her chest was on fire. Ok, now what do I do?? I tried calling the “doctor’s” office and got nowhere…spoke to 2 people who said there was no doctor there, I explained the situation, and they said they were very busy and at that moment I ran out of cell credits. I cannot fully explain the feeling of helplessness/panic/frustration, etc that I felt at that moment! I could have gotten a cab to take her to the hospital then and there, but I felt it was ok to wait. I feel so totally “out-of-whack”, I am exhausted from 3 nights of very little sleep and a whole lot of washing and wringing by hand; I don’t know where everything is since we just moved here; of course I got my period this morning to add an extra element of (?) in; I was temporarily unable to call anyone….I ended up sending Bilali to go buy more cell credits haraka-haraka (quickly). He rushed off and returned with cards ready…he is such a Godsend. I called Elaine Shenk, who has helped us adjust here…she and her family live a few minutes away. I talked to her for awhile and she helped me to calm myself and get a grip. During this time, Leah felt better, PTL. I was also able to text Keith and let him know what was going on. Leah had another “episode” an hour later, but it also passed with some vomiting for good measure. She is now sleeping and so I am able to type this and still keep an eye on her. I have a plan ready if she seems to get worse. Just get a cab and go…the good medical center is 30-40 minutes away. I just don’t like this feeling of helplessness. At home, I had complete faith in the doctors/medical care. Here you just sort of make do with what is available. So what else can I do? It’s not like I can go down the street to another physician, this clinic came highly recommended by 2 families. Am I just expecting too much?? This is my daughter, here. Yet thousands of Tanzanians go thru this kind of thing, usually can’t even afford to go to the hospital/clinic, and in reality if Leah were Tanzanian, she would be dead now or close to it. Despite how depressing or desperate this e-mail might seem, I am doing ok. I have miraculously just gone with the flow and have been able to get up numerous times in the night and God has given me the energy and a loving heart. I have felt like crying a couple of times, but other than that I am just fine. The boys are ok and have been (marginally) helpful. I don’t think they fully understand the seriousness of it all. Maybe God is just keeping them mellow for now. They have both said how nice it has been that there is quiet in the house since Leah is sick. That is when I want to cry!! As much as her persistent chatter annoys me most of the time, this alternative is not cause for joy.


Now Tuesday afternoon. Well, quite a bit has happened since I was last typing this. Keith came home from his meetings on Sat late afternoon. He is more cautious with health issues and felt that we should take Leah to a hospital right away. We were able to call a new doctor directly and have her admitted to a specialized clinic. She was immediately given IV fluids including antibiotics, antivomit/diar medicine and fever reducer. She seemed to take it all ok at first. Keith and boys left to go get food. The nurse began another round of antibiotics and things started to go badly real quick. I noticed the sheets shaking, and asked Leah if she was ok. She said she felt cold and she felt like she was going to die!! I felt her and she was very cool, which was odd since she had been battling a fever. Her whole body was shaking…not shivering which comes and goes. Her arms were turning blue, her face extremely white and lips blue. She was breathing so fast. She kept asking for water, which was also odd since she had not been able to keep much of anything down. To me, it appeared she was in some sort of shock. The Tanzanian nurse, however, told me it was just a reaction to the fever and that I should not worry. I didn’t buy it!!! The adrenaline had already kicked in and I had to call Keith to come back and also called the doctor directly, who spoke to the nurse. Leah seemed to be slipping in and out of awareness. Keith returned in a state of panic. I felt so horrible for him. Leah had begun to return to normal after some time and after she had an injection of something…I was too stressed to take note of what it was. She then was given suppository medicine. Not long after this reaction, she had a fever spike of 40.3. Leah’s clothes were taken off and the nurse and I sponged her off and blew a fan on her to cool her down. Finally by midnight, her fever went down a bit and she was sleeping peacefully. The next morning, the nurse told me how afraid she was that Leah was not going to make it. She was so joyful to see Leah better. Leah spent all of Sunday in the clinic on IV’s and had markedly improved. She was even singing praise songs to the one nurse as she was receiving another antibiotic injection. She was released Sunday evening and God had placed angels in our lives who lovingly opened their home to us, which was 5 minutes from the clinic! This older couple we met through our USAID friends last month. Nancy prepared a candlelight bath for Leah (and also one for me!), brushed and braided Leah’s hair, cooked us a last minute supper, and just provided us with some much-needed strength and support. We returned to the clinic Monday morning with a still-improving daughter. The doctor was/is still concerned since Leah is still having persistent diarrhea (what is there left to poop out?!?). Leah is now on Cipro and we’re just waiting things out. The official diagnosis is septicemia, but the doctor has mentioned salmonella, and other bacterial infections in addition to the septic shock episode Leah had on saturday. I just thank the Lord that she is with us and is recovering so quickly. Both Keith and I are not yet breathing easy….Tomorrow, Leah visits the doctor again and if things aren’t significantly improved, the doc will recommend Leah going to Nairobi. This is no comfort to us as we have been in Nairobi and have glimpsed the medical system there. It seems to be hit or miss. We discussed the possibility of flying to Philadelphia (and have 2 tickets on reserve) where we KNOW there is good, consistent medical care. The problem with that option is the long flight to get there. We continue to pray that Leah improves considerably and that we do not need to go that route!!

We are now back at our new home in Mbezi Beach (Dar es Salaam) and things seem almost normal. On the way home, we (mom and dad) felt the need to buy Leah some special presents…a new Barbie (it cost $100-can you believe it???) and a new dress. The boys are back to being annoyed with her most of the time which is a good (???) sign. It’s really hard for me to focus on much of anything and I sort of feel like a giant bowl of jiggly jell-o. I mostly just have a knot in my stomach that doesn’t go away. Keith has been having a lot of anxiety and guilt and is also having trouble focusing on things. He is also still grieving the loss of his grandmother a couple of weeks ago. Lots of big stressors, but also lots of grace and care from the Lord.

Now Wednesday evening and Leah has been officially released from the doctor’s care. She was impressed with how well Leah is doing and wants us to follow up in a month. We came out of the clinic all smiles. We are just SO THANKFUL!!!!

Since Leah became sick over a week ago, she has slept in bed with Keith and I, close to loving arms. Now, since her release from the hospital, as she lays between us with Keith and I’s (and the Lord’s) protective hands on her, my tears are free to fall. After the light goes out and her breath of sleep is slow and steady…I think about what happened, what could have happened and I can only thank God for the umpteenth time.

Now, about our move….sorry, this is, once again, a lengthy e-mail. Feast or famine!!!

Let’s see, the last week in Shirati was hectic. Many people wanted us to visit them in their homes (which always means a meal and a sometimes lengthy visit). We declined most of the invitations, which was probably offensive. I had a “drop-in” at our house a couple of days before we left. I cooked 24 dozen cookies and a lot of muffins, too. I think about 50 or more people came…I was so busy, I didn’t keep track. It went really well. Alex and our friend Antonio did a great job of serving snacks and sodas and even did all the dishes! That was the greatest gift to me. Next morning we went to church which was emotional. We had to get up in front of everyone. I spoke, since Keith can’t do Swahili. I thanked everyone and said we would miss our many friends there, etc. As I sat in church I looked around at many who we have directly helped and many more who are/will be helped by a better-functioning hospital. I felt fairly good, like something was accomplished. I often ruminate on what I could have/should have done better. Now as I sit in Dar, with my sick daughter, feeling very ungrounded, I feel it was enough to just have been the one to hold it all together. Sure, I didn’t do a stellar job of teaching, of being out and about in the community, of preaching the gospel, of saving souls, but I DID keep our family life running smooth in a very difficult assignment. If our family would have fallen apart, we would have come home, and so ended the assignment (and perhaps other, more devastating things, too)…so at least I contributed something, however small it may be. Sometimes I feel that some of the folks from Shirati thought I was house-bound too much. This might be true, but I feel like one of our friends, Samwel, who came to Dar with us, finally understands. It is his understanding that has helped me to feel ok with it all. While here with us in Dar for the week, he kept making remarks of how well I cooked, how well I spoke Swahili and how I related with Tanzanians, how good of a hostess (he had some visitors, and I made chai and snacks, etc) and other comments that made me feel appreciated, that the efforts I have made have been noticed and acknowledged by SOMEONE. Sure, in Shirati, I was not out meeting and greeting everyone. I did not hang out at the local dukas (shops) and get to know more of the folks. I wanted to, but if I did that then I would not have been at home to welcome visitors, or to be doing daily chores that were necessary just to survive. I am still trying to process it all.

ANYWAY, back to the moving. On Monday, we had about 10 guys pile all our furniture and things in the back of a (closed) fish truck (remarkably our stuff doesn’t smell like fish…instead we have the pleasant aroma of dog excrements mixed with a bit of diesel fuel odor…think I’d prefer the fish!!). All 4 dogs were put in 2 wooden crates. They were very upset. They spent almost 5 days in those crates…Magesa, our Shirati gardener, rode in the truck and took care of the dogs. They were vomiting, etc, etc for the first 2 days. They had truck trouble which added a day and a half to the trip. A large portion of the 900 + mile journey was unpaved roads. The dogs and everything else were bounced around like popcorn!!! Our car, fared about as well. First day we had brake trouble and had NO BRAKES by night time!!! Samwel rode with us and he is a mechanic, so he and Keith were able to fix things somewhat. We only made it to Mwanza the first day. Leah had been feeling sick since we stopped for lunch in Bunda…she ended up vomiting BIG TIME at 1am. I was in a total fog. She and I were sharing a room. I didn’t have my contacs in of course and my glasses were across the room as there was no other safe place to lay them. I woke up in the dark in a strange place without being able to see with Leah throwing up all over the place. I climbed over her, grabbed a trash can and stuck her head in it. I tried using the in-room phone…big surprise, it didn’t work!!! I needed to get Keith who was 1 floor below and also call the front desk which was in another building. Keith got up, went to the front desk to request more bedding and some towels and explained why. In Tz, the hotels only give you one towel…even if 3 or 4 people are in a room. Meanwhile, I strip everything off the bed, strip Leah and begin to wash stuff…she had barfed on her favorite stuffed animal Ba-Ba, so I was washing that, too. The night manager shows up with one towel. I just laughed at the absurdity of it all. I told her we needed new bedding, again, and asked her if I could please put the dirty sheets, etc outside or take them to the “laundry room”. She said no, that I needed to keep them in the room or else we might have to pay for them if they “disappeared”. Great. I shoved the mass of vomit covered bedding behind the sofa, curling it up in as tight a ball as possible. Just smelling vomit brings me close to vomiting as well. The manager did show up later with a sheet and a blanket….we still needed another bedspread, acouple pillows, etc, but it was already past 2 am, we had a long day of travel in store for us, and we just made do with what we had…not a big deal.

Next day got a late start as it took forever for keith and Samwel to get the car fixed. Got going a little before lunch time and Keith realized there were no front brakes. Great. The rear brakes also were pulling strongly to one side. Finally found a place that would fix the brakes…the kids and I spent about 3 hours just hanging out in the hot sun at this gas station. There were some cute puppies which were a great diversion for the kids. We also saw a small goat with a bucket stuck on its head that was running around and bumping into things. I ran over to get the bucket off and the goat was so scared and smacked his head hard and got the bucket off himself. Gotta find the humor wherever you can!! Finally got back on the road again. Got several calls from the truck driver that they had a number of problems and weren’t even to the main tarmac road yet (usually an hours drive from Shirati. ). We were getting sort of nervous as it was near dusk and we had a long ways to go until we reached the town we were going to stay. One of Samuel’s many relatives lives there and had made arrangements at a hotel (Singida). We were driving up this treacherous small mountain road and trucks were broken down everywhere. We were all silently wondering if we were going to make it to the top. We did, PTL, and stopped at the top for about 30 seconds to look at the sunset and for Gerry to grab a rock or 2, then continued on. We drove for quite a while and it seemed Singida was getting farther and farther away. There were no road signs whatsoever, hardly any other cars and the road was a mess. Often we would come to a “T” in the road and have no idea which way to go. We thought we saw lights of a town/city in the distance, but it seemed like a desert mirage….just disappearing at random. I actually felt scared at one point…remember, it is pitch black and not a soul around. We saw an oncoming vehicle. It was a pick-up full of guys with rifles!! They stopped us and I was just praying away. Supposedly they were “police” out keeping the roads safe. They told us that it was dangerous for us to travel this road at night and that we should go back (to where?!?). We asked them how to get to Singida and they said it was another 20 some kilometers. Keith told them we needed to get there and they wished us a safe journey. We collectively breathed a BIG sigh of relief when we were driving again. We finally arrived near the town of Singida and Sam’s relative asked us to meet him at the Oil Com, a gas station. After driving about 15 minutes, we see the Oil Com and pull in….but no relative…hmmm. Samwel calls him again and finds out it’s the OTHER Oil Com. Okay. We ask the guards at this place to direct us to the other one. Another 15 min, another Oil Com, but no relative…hmmm. Also bear in mind that it is after 10pm, we have not eaten since breakfast (except some easy to get, SAFE, bananas), we are quite tired, stressed and grumpy. A couple of wary guards approach our car and Samwel begins talking to them. Evidently there are FIVE OIL COMS in Singida!!! It didn’t even seem like that big of a town (in the dark). Samwel calls his relative again, stays on the phone while the guy gave us explicit instructions. We finally got there. We still laugh when we see an OilCom as there are a lot of them in Dar. The motel was a great place and at 11pm they served us excellent food and we all passed out into bed. Next morning the kids were thrilled to see a small monkey tied up to a tree outside the motel. There are no “Animal Cops” here! And to try to explain about letting the thing go free does not work here…the monkeys eat people’s crops here…and most people do not have enough to feed their own families, so when you look at it from their perspective, it is not cruel to tie up or kill a monkey. The monkey was friendly and would sit on each of us and try to groom us…picking out imaginary bugs from our skin. It had lots of fun on my arm as I have a lot more moles than the kids do and it kept trying to pick them off. It didn’t want to let go of me and I had to pry the thing away from me. Of course the kids found great joy in this.

The rest of the journey was fairly uneventful. We were so thrilled to finally be on paved roads outside of Dodoma, the governmental capital of TZ.



July 26 2007
I really like Dar when not in panic mode. After the scare with Leah, I am just sort of walking around in a fog, unable to really concentrate on much except the basics of food prep and laundry by hand!!! Keith hopes to get an area ready for a washing machine….I am so incredibly excited!!!! We all went to the beach for a couple of hours yesterday and Leah was up for it. It was a nice deviation. I REALLY like the fact that here, in Dar, we are not constantly STARED at!!! I was never aware of how much I enjoyed blending in until we came here to TZ. I am also able to wear shorts and pants here instead of dresses all the time.

The house we live in is really nice, but like many Tanzanian-made things, is not built to last. Most of the water pipes/toilets/showers are leaking or don’t work. It is really hard to get a reliable fundi (repairman). One came last Monday before Leah was sick. He came with 3 other people, spent about a half hour looking at things and left saying he’d be back the next day. We didn’t hear from him until Sunday when we were in the hospital. He/they were at our gate wondering where we were!!! Keith told them to come back on Monday and they finally showed up again today(Thursday). Keith was nervous when they only showed up with 2 tools….a wrench and a hammer!!!! The kitchen problems were fixed, but now there are large holes in the wall inside and out. The one bathroom is now constantly leaking instead of a minor leak…..I feel like I am part of some warped cartoon and the animator has got quite a sense of humor. Gerry and I got quite a laugh the other day as we were standing outside our gate and this huge mound of grass was moving towards us…just like in a cartoon…some conspicuous “shrub” inching its way closer. We both burst out laughing and “it” came close enough that we eventually saw the poor guy pushing the heavy cart piled high with grass. He probably wondered what was so funny.